Change in Plans

Well, still no baby! But we do have some updates so I will share those! Yesterday I had a growth scan ultrasound. The baby was so big she couldn't even fit its whole head on one screen! It is definitely going to be a chunky monkey, but more to love! ;) They officially estimated the baby to be 10 lbs, 2 oz. Holy Fat Baby Batman.

Now, these ultrasounds are notoriously inaccurate, and even when I was pregnant with the twins, they told me at 37 weeks that both kiddos were over eight pounds. One week later, I gave birth to two 7 lb, 1 oz babies. So mistakes happen! But, when my doctor took a look at the scan and gave me an exam to feel the baby and get an idea of how big it really is, she felt confident we are looking at a pretty large kiddo. Because of that, she does not feel comfortable letting me deliver naturally. I was completely blind sided when she told me I'd need to have a c-section, as I just expected her to induce me sooner. She said at this point, she wants baby to get past 39 weeks if possible for the health of the baby, and does not feel it is worth the risk to try and deliver such a big kiddo vaginally.

I started bawling in the office! I have never had a c-section, as the twins were born without one. I couldn't believe I was facing major surgery with just one baby when I'd done just fine delivering two! I think the combination of being blind sided by the news and all these lovely pregnancy hormones contributed to my little breakdown. ;)

The doctor talked to me about how if I felt really strongly, really really strongly, she'd let me attempt a vaginal delivery. But then she spent 20 minutes explaining her fears about delivering a baby so big. Jake and Eisley were only seven pounds, and they had to be sucked out with a vacuum after 23 hours of labor, so she worried that a ten pound baby just would not fit. She talked about the risks of shoulder dystocia, how that could mean all kinds of things for the baby from having to break its collar bone to get it out all the way to brain damage and stillbirth. Well of course that got me right there. How can I listen to my doctor tell me I'd be risking losing my perfectly healthy baby to stillbirth just because I didn't want to have a c-section?

She told me she'd support me in whatever I decided, but that she was absolutely uncomfortable letting me try a natural delivery and every other doctor in the practice wouldn't even consider it. I cried for awhile, then told her to do what she thought was best. She is so wonderful and understanding and was super gentle with me, which I really appreciate! She also said if the baby came out much smaller she'd smack someone, but wouldn't feel that bad because I'd finally be holding my healthy baby, which is the end goal we've been trying to achieve for years. I doubt I will care much how we achieved it! If I've learned anything the past few years, it is you have to be willing to roll with the punches. Things can change so much so suddenly, and while it is perfectly okay to take a minute to feel that whiplash and get your head straight again, there's just no sense in dwelling on things you cannot change. This is a blip on our radar in the grand scheme of things.

When I called my sister right after my appointment, I could barely talk through my sobs. I was so upset. When I talked to Josh a few hours later, he reminded me that we could have gotten much, much worse news, and this wasn't anything to sob about. He's completely right, and after taking a bit to let it sink in, I actually feel pretty good about it.

So, c-section it is! We scheduled it for next Wednesday afternoon, which means we are, at most, only one week away from meeting this sweet baby! I'm so excited, and just praying God helps me get through these last few days! I am not in a rush to not be pregnant anymore, but I am so ready to hold my healthy pumpkin!

We would appreciate your prayers so much! I am nervous about the recovery of major surgery and three kids at home, but that's nothing compared to the worries I have about making it through this next week. I can't tell you how the hours crawl by and each one is filled with thoughts of "Can I get this baby to next Wednesday alive?" I worry that something will go terribly wrong between here and there. I worry that one more week is too long for this baby to be trapped inside me, when I feel like I am not a safe place for the baby to be. That might make no sense to most of you, but that's how I feel.

At the same time, I want to enjoy these last days of feeling the kicks and rolls of this baby! It is nothing short of a miracle, and I completely appreciate that. I know I will miss it terribly. I will miss taking long naps and not being anyone's milk machine too! Jake and Eisley and I have some fun things planned for the next few days, so I'm sure they will go by fast!

So that's our update as of now! I will come back to post one last pregnancy shot at 39 weeks! And then it will be baby time! Yay! Eisley told me today that she can't stand to wait one more minute not knowing if it is a boy or a girl. I'm with her. What a great reward that will be after waiting so long to find out! We're super excited. :)

Thanks so much for your prayers and encouraging words! It won't be long now!!!