Jake's Dear Baby

Well...you all had to know this was coming. If Eisley gets to write a letter, so does Jake! After I asked him to be thinking about what he wanted to say in his letter, he took it very, very seriously and when he was ready he told me, "I'm weady fo my lettoo mama. Let's get to wook." ;)

He proceeded to walk around and around in circles while he talked a mile a minute, and though I am a pretty speedy typer, I had a hard time keeping up with him! I have such a hard time stifling my giggles at some parts, and at others trying not to cry! I am pretty sure I'm going to make this letter thing a regular occurrence as I'm just having fun listening to their thoughts and ideas!

I hope you enjoy this, I know I will treasure these letters forever!!!



Dear Baby,


I am your big brother. My name is Jake. I want to teach you lots of things. I want to teach you sports, I want to help you learn. I want to teach you how to read. I want to hold you and adoption means that, um, someone is borned in their mommy's tummy and their mommy cannot take care of them. So they had to get adopted. Then a lot of people get a lot of money and work a lot for that baby and the mother picks one person to adopt her baby. We will send pictures to your birth mommy then you will see her again lots of times we hope. Your birth mommy loves you very much. Our mommy will love you very much too. She will feed you and she will take care of you. 


And I am praying for you. I want to teach you about the Bible. I want to have fun with you. I want to color with you. I want to go to the park with you and I want to teach sports to you and I love you.


Our house is great we have a big fish tank and a little tiny dog too and we will like to nap with you and take care of you. We want you. Mama works at a hospital. She is a very good mommy. I love her so much. Daddy teaches science. He is a great daddy. He spends just enough time with us and he works very hard at his work. Eisley always plays with me and sometimes agrees with me. I love her so much. 


Me and Eisley like to play action figures and barbies and animals and dollhouse. She likes to play with make up with mommy. I like to look at the fish tank and just play with Avey and pet her for a little. I like playing outside and I like to play dinosaurs, cars, and action figures and animals. I love sports and sometimes I like Karate too. I like playing with mommy and daddy and Eisley, mostly Avey, and I would love playing with you too.


Jesus died on the cross for your sins. I want to teach you about Him. Sins are bad things that you do. If you tell Jesus and pray to Him and say, "Please, I want to go to heaven. I want to be with you in heaven and I love you Jesus. Come in my heart Jesus." 


I want to teach you about my grandma and grandpa. They are very fun and they always play with us. They spoil us a little bit, most the time. And my uncles and aunts are very nice. They always have work to do and they have a ping pong table. Mike has a big huge TV. It's cool when we get to play Mario on it and Coley is very fun. She likes to nap a lot. My aunt Lisa works the same work that mommy works at. They are awesome. Lisa always like to wrestle with me. I win. Uncle Brian...awesome. He always likes to play whatever I want to play. He likes to play catch with me. Aunt Stephanie is very fun to play with. Uncle Brian is going to marry her soon. 


We been getting money for you. And we want you to play with. We done work for you and I can't wait until I could teach you school and sometimes I even wanna teach you how to beat levels on video games. Our favorite movies are Harry Potter and Star Wars. I would like to watch them with you too when you are old enough and we will love you, always take care of you, and no matter what we do, we will still be attention to you. We love you so much.


Thank you for listening to my note. 


Love,


Jake

Eisley's Dear Baby

Okay, I know it has been quite awhile since I blogged. The truth is, I just have nothing to say. It is not easy, this waiting thing. I have passed by my computer a million times thinking "I really need to update the blog." But then I realize, there's nothing to update!

I have contemplated about a million different fundraisers, but I feel like God keeps telling me to just be still, and I don't know why, but I trust Him. We still have a ways to go money-wise, but each time I have done a fundraiser I have felt really strongly that I should move forward, and right now I just don't. We continue to pray constantly for this adoption, and hope you are remembering us in your prayers as well!

I did, however, come up with a blog entry after all, and I'm pretty sure you will enjoy it.  I was sitting on the computer trying to think of what to say on the blog when Eisley walked by. I asked her, "Do you want to write a letter to the baby?" She said sure, and my next blog entry was born. ;)

These are all her words, unedited because she is only six and the way she talks is just so stinking cute. ;) She says things in a way that sometimes I wish I could, completely honest and simple as can be. I am amazed daily at her maturity and understanding of the world. At one point, when explaining in her letter why babies get adopted, she even said, "I don't think we should tell the baby all the reasons, because they might be too little to understand, and we need to protect it til it's old enough to understand." What?! So wise.

She would talk and talk, and then ask what else she should say. I would ask her a question like, "Well, why don't you tell the baby about our house," and off she went again!

So here you have it, Eisley's letter to "her" baby brother or sister.

Enjoy.


Dear Baby,


We are so excited to have you in our family. When you get older, would you want to come to parties with us? You are so cute. We will love you so much. We will take you to everything we do. Our home is filled with love. I have the best mommy and daddy that take care of you when you're sick. I have fun because I love my mommy and daddy. And I hope you will too.


My mommy and daddy are so kind. They do what I want them to do. But sometimes they say "In a bit" because they're doing some work. We had to pay for you because we adopted you. We were hoping for you very soon. We are waiting so long we hope that we get a call pretty soon. We have done counting, we've done giving bottles. It's so hard, but I'm just glad we can do this cause I really want a new baby. 


We had a fundraiser at Genghis Grill. We might have another fundraiser, but probably not at Genghis Grill. We done getting some more love so we can love you. I don't care if you're a boy or a girl. I just want a cute looking baby. 


Our home is nice and sweet. We have a dog that you can love too. Her name is Avey. She will be kind to you. You would have so much fun in our family. But you might be filled with joy. There's going to be lots of toys for you to play with cause my mommy and daddy love us so much.


You should be a Christian cause Jesus will love you so much. He died on the cross for our sins. Everybody sins. Except Him. We go to church to celebrate His love that He has given us. Our church is kind. It helps you if you get hurt. 


Three babies have died in our family. One was named Lily. One was named Gracie. We didn't know if the other one was a boy or a girl, but if it was a boy we would have named it James probably. Lily had a cord wrapped around her. That's how she died. I knew she was gonna be cute, and so I know you will too.


Adoption means to get a baby that doesn't come from your tummy, it comes from other people that can't take care of their babies. We don't know how we will get you yet, but we hope that it will be someone that will pick the right family. We are sure that your birth mommy will love you, but either they are too young or they just don't have someone to help her take care of you, or other reasons. 


You have so much love. Our aunts and uncles are kind, fun to play with. Our grandmas and grandpas help us and play so much. We just love having this family. We're so glad that we are for this family. 


We will play with you a lot so you won't get lonely. Sometimes we might have to do a little bit of homework though, cause we're gonna be a little bit older, so. My brother Jake is kind and he will play with you a lot and so will I. 


You will have love. 


Love, 


Eisley

Dear Little One

Dear Little One,

It is almost one o'clock in the morning. I have been in bed for hours and just can't sleep. Tomorrow (today!) we have a big fundraiser for your adoption. I don't think that's why I can't sleep. I have been laying awake, thinking, wondering, worrying, praying. I can't turn my brain off. I can't stop thinking about who you are, who you will become, what you will look like, how you will change our lives, how you will change our family, how you will change everything. For hours I have been praying for you, for us, telling God my worries and expressing my thankfulness for all He has done so far. I tried to turn my brain off and go to sleep, but I couldn't! I wondered why all of the sudden I was wide awake, completely wired, unable to think of anything but you. And then I realized why...I was finally expecting you.

I have been pregnant four times. I remember, vividly, the nights I laid awake in my bed after finding out I was expecting each of my babies. I remember how I would listen to Josh fall asleep next to me and wonder to myself, "How is he sleeping right now???" I would toss and turn and think of nothing else but the baby that would soon be changing our lives forever. I would lie there praying and worrying and hoping and dreaming and smiling and crying. I would think about the cost of diapers and wonder if my baby would have dimples. I would worry about losing this precious little one I so suddenly couldn't live without. I would smile at the thought of holding them close to me and smelling their sweet little baby head. I would think about how much time I could take off work and try to break down the cost of formula and diapers in my head over the course of one year. I would go through a list of baby names and internally cross every one of them off because your dad is so stinking picky when it comes to baby names. I would think about everything, everything, and then some.

Well we have been preparing for you, little one, for awhile now. We have spent months trying to prove to our adoption agency that we would be good parents for you. We have filled out piles of paperwork, given countless interviews, taken weeks of classes, and waited, waited, waited. And then...

Today, our caseworker said, "You're good to go!" We have finished our classes, finished our paperwork, proven to them that we would in fact love you more than anyone else on earth could love anyone else on earth. To us, do you know what that means? It means we are expecting you! We are finally, truly, really, expecting you!!! We are waiting for a phone call that could come days, weeks, months from now, telling us, "Your little one is here! Come and get your little one!" And that is so very exciting.

So my brain is just processing that information. It is just now, tonight, realizing that you are coming. That you are out there, that you are growing, that you will be coming home soon. We don't know when, but we know you are. Tonight is the fifth time that I have felt what I'm feeling. Unable to sleep because my brain is going a mile a minute, unable to stop smiling because my heart knows you exist. Tonight is the first night of the rest of my life that I will worry about you, lose sleep over you, and toss and turn wondering if you're okay. I have often wondered if women that have been pregnant multiple times ever get to a point where they just shrug at the news and carry on as usual. I am sure now that is not the case. You are the fifth time God has blessed me with such exciting news. And it feels just as exciting as it did the very first time I found out a baby would be coming into our lives! We are so excited about you, little one. I am losing sleep over you, and it is wonderful.

I cannot predict what will happen with you. I do not know if you will be okay. I do not know if everything will turn out fine. I have had four other nights like this one, where I am so excited and at the same time, so terrified about the fact that I was expecting. It hasn't always turned out okay. Your mommy's heart has been broken so many times, my love. It has opened my eyes to the fact that things don't always go the way we want them to. But it has not diminished my excitement over you or the love I have for you already. Each of my heartaches has in some way prepared me for you. I don't think I will know the extent of that until you are here, or maybe not even until you are all grown up! But God has allowed your mommy hurts that are so big, so very big, because He really, really wanted to give you to me. He knew what it would take to bring us together, and He allowed it because for some reason, He knows I would be the best mommy for you! And I cannot wait to be your mommy. Your mommy.

I think about the very first time I will get to hold you close to me and know you are mine. I think about how I have been waiting for that day for so long, that it will be so incredibly sweet. My heart aches to meet you, to hold you, to sing to you, to whisper in your ear that you are loved. You are so very loved, little one. And I am so happy to be expecting you.

Love,

Mommy

Dear Baby

Dear Baby,

I have written letters to each of my babies from the moments I knew I was expecting them. Some of my babies got lots of letters, some got only one. You will get lots I'm sure, because I know we will be expecting you for awhile!

I have a feeling that you have begun growing somewhere, in somebody's tummy. You are not growing in my tummy little one, but you are growing in my heart. We are working and praying so hard to bring you home. I want you to know that you are worth every bit of it.

Sometimes I feel a little bit jealous of mommies who can bring babies into their families so easily. I used to be one of them! I feel a tinge of hurt whenever I hear of anyone who will be bringing home a new baby. I think, "Why is it so easy for them?" I wonder why some people barely have to blink their eyes to add to their family, and here we are fighting tooth and nail to bring you home. We fill out mountains of paperwork, answer extremely personal questions, take classes for weeks, have someone study our family and our home, work for months to raise enough money to pay for the cost of all of these things, and wait much longer than most have to wait to bring a baby home. Sometimes I feel that it just isn't fair. But then I think...how much sweeter will that moment be when I finally hold you and kiss your cheeks?

It will be the moment where all of this, all of the waiting and work and uncertainty, all of it will fade away into the background and all I will see is your face. I will think of how I would have waited and worked ten times what I did to have that moment with you. The moment I become your mommy. You are so worth every bit of it.

I hope you never wonder if you are loved the same as your big brother and sister since you didn't come from my tummy. Sweet baby, let me tell you something. I love you even now, and I don't even know who you are or where you are or when I will see you with my own eyes! Let me tell you that we love J* and E* so much that we are willing to go through all of this just to give that kind of love to another baby...YOU!!! Let me tell you that your daddy and I have never had to put so much work into adding to our family! You are the one we are doing this for! You are the one that is so loved already that we are willing to do anything to bring you home! You are the one we are waiting for. You are the one we are working for. You are the one we are praying for. You are my love!

We have so much peace that God has already hand picked you for our family. We pray for you every day. We pray that you are growing strong and healthy, that you are covered in love, that you are safe. We pray for the woman who is carrying you. We pray she is safe, she is loved, and that she has the comfort and peace of our Lord. We pray that she has someone in her life that is supporting her and encouraging her and taking care of her. We pray that God will give her courage and strength.

There are so many people who are praying for you. So many people who are supporting us and waiting anxiously with us. You are going to be smothered in love when you get home, baby. You won't even know what to do with it!

I love you. I'm waiting for you. I'm praying for you. I can't wait to meet you.

Love,

Mommy