Jake's Dear Baby

Well...you all had to know this was coming. If Eisley gets to write a letter, so does Jake! After I asked him to be thinking about what he wanted to say in his letter, he took it very, very seriously and when he was ready he told me, "I'm weady fo my lettoo mama. Let's get to wook." ;)

He proceeded to walk around and around in circles while he talked a mile a minute, and though I am a pretty speedy typer, I had a hard time keeping up with him! I have such a hard time stifling my giggles at some parts, and at others trying not to cry! I am pretty sure I'm going to make this letter thing a regular occurrence as I'm just having fun listening to their thoughts and ideas!

I hope you enjoy this, I know I will treasure these letters forever!!!



Dear Baby,


I am your big brother. My name is Jake. I want to teach you lots of things. I want to teach you sports, I want to help you learn. I want to teach you how to read. I want to hold you and adoption means that, um, someone is borned in their mommy's tummy and their mommy cannot take care of them. So they had to get adopted. Then a lot of people get a lot of money and work a lot for that baby and the mother picks one person to adopt her baby. We will send pictures to your birth mommy then you will see her again lots of times we hope. Your birth mommy loves you very much. Our mommy will love you very much too. She will feed you and she will take care of you. 


And I am praying for you. I want to teach you about the Bible. I want to have fun with you. I want to color with you. I want to go to the park with you and I want to teach sports to you and I love you.


Our house is great we have a big fish tank and a little tiny dog too and we will like to nap with you and take care of you. We want you. Mama works at a hospital. She is a very good mommy. I love her so much. Daddy teaches science. He is a great daddy. He spends just enough time with us and he works very hard at his work. Eisley always plays with me and sometimes agrees with me. I love her so much. 


Me and Eisley like to play action figures and barbies and animals and dollhouse. She likes to play with make up with mommy. I like to look at the fish tank and just play with Avey and pet her for a little. I like playing outside and I like to play dinosaurs, cars, and action figures and animals. I love sports and sometimes I like Karate too. I like playing with mommy and daddy and Eisley, mostly Avey, and I would love playing with you too.


Jesus died on the cross for your sins. I want to teach you about Him. Sins are bad things that you do. If you tell Jesus and pray to Him and say, "Please, I want to go to heaven. I want to be with you in heaven and I love you Jesus. Come in my heart Jesus." 


I want to teach you about my grandma and grandpa. They are very fun and they always play with us. They spoil us a little bit, most the time. And my uncles and aunts are very nice. They always have work to do and they have a ping pong table. Mike has a big huge TV. It's cool when we get to play Mario on it and Coley is very fun. She likes to nap a lot. My aunt Lisa works the same work that mommy works at. They are awesome. Lisa always like to wrestle with me. I win. Uncle Brian...awesome. He always likes to play whatever I want to play. He likes to play catch with me. Aunt Stephanie is very fun to play with. Uncle Brian is going to marry her soon. 


We been getting money for you. And we want you to play with. We done work for you and I can't wait until I could teach you school and sometimes I even wanna teach you how to beat levels on video games. Our favorite movies are Harry Potter and Star Wars. I would like to watch them with you too when you are old enough and we will love you, always take care of you, and no matter what we do, we will still be attention to you. We love you so much.


Thank you for listening to my note. 


Love,


Jake

Eisley's Dear Baby

Okay, I know it has been quite awhile since I blogged. The truth is, I just have nothing to say. It is not easy, this waiting thing. I have passed by my computer a million times thinking "I really need to update the blog." But then I realize, there's nothing to update!

I have contemplated about a million different fundraisers, but I feel like God keeps telling me to just be still, and I don't know why, but I trust Him. We still have a ways to go money-wise, but each time I have done a fundraiser I have felt really strongly that I should move forward, and right now I just don't. We continue to pray constantly for this adoption, and hope you are remembering us in your prayers as well!

I did, however, come up with a blog entry after all, and I'm pretty sure you will enjoy it.  I was sitting on the computer trying to think of what to say on the blog when Eisley walked by. I asked her, "Do you want to write a letter to the baby?" She said sure, and my next blog entry was born. ;)

These are all her words, unedited because she is only six and the way she talks is just so stinking cute. ;) She says things in a way that sometimes I wish I could, completely honest and simple as can be. I am amazed daily at her maturity and understanding of the world. At one point, when explaining in her letter why babies get adopted, she even said, "I don't think we should tell the baby all the reasons, because they might be too little to understand, and we need to protect it til it's old enough to understand." What?! So wise.

She would talk and talk, and then ask what else she should say. I would ask her a question like, "Well, why don't you tell the baby about our house," and off she went again!

So here you have it, Eisley's letter to "her" baby brother or sister.

Enjoy.


Dear Baby,


We are so excited to have you in our family. When you get older, would you want to come to parties with us? You are so cute. We will love you so much. We will take you to everything we do. Our home is filled with love. I have the best mommy and daddy that take care of you when you're sick. I have fun because I love my mommy and daddy. And I hope you will too.


My mommy and daddy are so kind. They do what I want them to do. But sometimes they say "In a bit" because they're doing some work. We had to pay for you because we adopted you. We were hoping for you very soon. We are waiting so long we hope that we get a call pretty soon. We have done counting, we've done giving bottles. It's so hard, but I'm just glad we can do this cause I really want a new baby. 


We had a fundraiser at Genghis Grill. We might have another fundraiser, but probably not at Genghis Grill. We done getting some more love so we can love you. I don't care if you're a boy or a girl. I just want a cute looking baby. 


Our home is nice and sweet. We have a dog that you can love too. Her name is Avey. She will be kind to you. You would have so much fun in our family. But you might be filled with joy. There's going to be lots of toys for you to play with cause my mommy and daddy love us so much.


You should be a Christian cause Jesus will love you so much. He died on the cross for our sins. Everybody sins. Except Him. We go to church to celebrate His love that He has given us. Our church is kind. It helps you if you get hurt. 


Three babies have died in our family. One was named Lily. One was named Gracie. We didn't know if the other one was a boy or a girl, but if it was a boy we would have named it James probably. Lily had a cord wrapped around her. That's how she died. I knew she was gonna be cute, and so I know you will too.


Adoption means to get a baby that doesn't come from your tummy, it comes from other people that can't take care of their babies. We don't know how we will get you yet, but we hope that it will be someone that will pick the right family. We are sure that your birth mommy will love you, but either they are too young or they just don't have someone to help her take care of you, or other reasons. 


You have so much love. Our aunts and uncles are kind, fun to play with. Our grandmas and grandpas help us and play so much. We just love having this family. We're so glad that we are for this family. 


We will play with you a lot so you won't get lonely. Sometimes we might have to do a little bit of homework though, cause we're gonna be a little bit older, so. My brother Jake is kind and he will play with you a lot and so will I. 


You will have love. 


Love, 


Eisley

Your Basket is Missing

You're basket is missing.

It's just so obviously, blaringly not there.

I went into the hall closet tonight to get down the Easter baskets. Eisley got a new basket last year, and I saved her first one for you. I didn't know last year that you were a girl, but I thought, "Just in case!" I shoved it up in the closet and remember thinking, "Next year we'll have three Easter baskets."

Your basket is missing.

I felt a pang of sadness as I put yours back in the closet. But I pushed it aside. Because that's what I do.

I filled Jake and Eisley's baskets like I do every year. One of my favorite things to do! Peeps. A chocolate bunny. Little toys. Fake plastic grass that I despise but Eisley loves.

I set the baskets and their new Easter bunnies on the couch on opposite ends. Ready for the morning! And then I saw it.

Your basket is missing.

It just isn't there, and it makes me sad. Last Easter we were so, so incredibly excited about you. Cautiously optimistic, but growing more so by the day. I watched the kids hunt eggs and stuff their baskets to the brim and sat in my lawn chair thinking, "Next year we'll have three. How fun!"

Your basket is missing.

I find myself wondering if they have egg hunts in Heaven. That might be highly heathenistic of me, but I think God is a lot more fun loving than we give Him credit for. An egg hunt in the clouds. You and your siblings laughing and running and filling your baskets overflowing with gold eggs. "Look Jesus! Look how many I have!" is what I imagine you saying through giggles. And He picks you up and marvels over your full basket and kisses your head.

And you are dressed in your prettiest Easter dress. And you have a beautiful big flower in your hair. And you sit at His feet with all the children who's baskets are missing here on earth, and you hear the Easter story firsthand.

And He tells you how He paid the price. How He died for us. How He died for your parents, to cleanse them of their sin. And He explains what sin is, because none of you have ever seen it. And He tells you how it hurt. And he has to explain that too, because you don't understand. And your eyes get wide and you ask "And then what happened?" And He smiles at you. "And then Lily...then I rose again. And I gave your mommy hope."

"Hope?" You ask. "What hope?"

And Jesus says, "Hope that she will see you again little one. And spend forever with us."

Because that's what He did that day my love. When we deserved nothing, when we deserved death, when we deserved an eternity separated from Him and all innocence, He gave us hope. He paid my debt. He suffered my burden. He laid down His life so that I wouldn't have to. And then He rose again. That's the kind of God we serve. A living God.


And when He created you for our family, He gave me an eternity as your mommy. He gave us forever. Forever together. I just have to wait a little longer than I had planned to start forever with you.

This Easter, your basket is missing. We'll be visiting a stone in the ground instead of dressing you up in an adorable Spring dress and silly bunny ears. We'll leave flowers for you and sing you your song and vividly feel your absence. But we know where you really are. And I know I will spend countless Easters with you someday. But not this year.

This year, your basket is missing. And I miss you with all my heart.


Isaiah 53:5
"But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed."

Revelation 21:4
"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

Blog Hop

I recently joined a Blog Hop that I found on a fellow adoptive mommy's blog. Feel free to add your own Adoption Blog and visit some of the wonderful adoption journeys listed below! If you find and start following one of the blogs, be sure to leave them a comment saying you found them on the Blog Hop!

Enjoy!

Adoption Fundraising Ideas

"It takes a village to raise a child, but it will take a village to bring this one home."

I don't remember where I came across that quote, somewhere out in the adoption blogosphere I'm sure...but it stuck with me because that is exactly how I feel sometimes. Without the help and support of our family, friends, and total strangers, this adoption would be impossible. We took a huge leap of faith when we started down this road, and trusted that the Lord would provide the funds we needed. We felt strongly He was leading us down the path to adoption, but how would we afford it? Could we afford to raise another child? Sure. But did we have what could be upwards of $20,000 up front to fund this process? Ummm...no. Josh is a teacher and I work part-time, and we are comfortable. But we don't have tens of thousands of dollars in savings just waiting to be spent. I have been faulted for that a time or two, but such is life.

I think finances is the most popular reason for a hopeful adoptive couple to nix their adoption dream before it has a chance to sprout. I read a statistic somewhere saying that 70% to 80% of Americans will consider adoption, but only 3-4% will actually adopt. My guess is that many get two steps into the process and when the cost estimate comes in they pick their jaw up off the ground and turn right back around. Or, more likely, they never begin the process at all because everyone knows "adoption is crazy expensive".

But adoptive families who do choose to continue fall into one of two categories (maybe there's a third but I couldn't think of it...). Either the hopeful adoptive family is on the higher end of the tax bracket and simply draws from their own savings to cover the cost (Yay them!), or they find themselves up at 2 a.m. four nights a week googling "Adoption Fundraising Ideas" and "Adoption Grants" and slapping price tags on everything in their house that isn't nailed down to sell on Craigslist.  Needless to say, we fall into the latter category.

I have met a few couples who have been so blessed not to have to rely on fundraising for their adoption. And I am so glad for them, because the last thing you want to have to stay up at night worrying about is money when you are already up at night thinking about home studies, paperwork, babies, birth moms and orphanages. But the overwhelming majority of the adoption community I've come in contact with has worked overtime, drained their savings, and held at least one yard sale, car wash, or puzzle piece fundraiser to aid in their adoption expenses. But...believe it or not...there are naysayers out there (Gasp! Naysayers?!? Noooo!!!).

Whilst I have traveled the internet in search of fundraising ideas for our adoption, I have read some very, very negative things about adoption fundraising.

"If you can't afford to adopt, you can't afford a baby."
"Fundraising for your adoption sends the wrong message, like your adoption is a charity case, and your child is a charity case."

"I don't fundraise when I want to buy a house or a car, why should you fundraise for your adoption?"

"Fundraising for adoptions is essentially telling the world you're buying your child."

And after having this blog post up for less than 12 hours, this gem appeared as a comment. "Have you considered the lack of money as a sign from the Lord that this is not supposed to be your kid? You obviously do not love this kid as you claim to, as evidenced by your lack of planning/effort/savings!"
Ouch. These are actual quotes I have read out there when researching adoption fundraiser ideas as well as from right here on my little ol' blog. Obviously, I disagree whole heartedly. But I want to address a few of those "opinions" while I have the chance, and then I will list some of the ideas we came up with (and copied) to raise funds for our own adoption. Searching the internet for ideas is overwhelming, and the most helpful things I ever found were just lists of ideas on adoption blogs from adoptive mommies such as myself.

First of all, I will address the most common anti-fundraising argument I have seen everywhere and heard myself a time or two."If you can't afford an adoption, you can't afford a baby." Weeeeelllll...not really. I would compare this argument to someone saying, "If you can't pay for your car in cash, you can't afford the upkeep of a vehicle. Take the bus." Not that I want to compare my future beautiful child to a car, but I think you get the idea. Can I afford gas? Car insurance? The inevitable tire blow out or dead engine? Yes. But paying for my brand new car in cash is a different story. And before you go all Dave Ramsey on me, adoption agencies don't have the "Buy used for less" option.

Most people, when deciding to grow their family, aren't asked to put a $20,000 to $45,000 "down payment" on their pregnancy. Health insurance covers the cost of the pregnancy and delivery, hopefully one has enough extra funds to cover mummy's maternity clothes and late night ice cream cravings, and aside from the possible missed day of work due to morning sickness, there really is no other cost to a pregnancy. Yet adoptive families are asked to shell out anywhere from ten to fifty grand to fund their adoption, and that's all before bringing baby home!!! And to address one comment on my blog that said "Most people save up at least $20,000 before trying to get pregnant" I would like to say....Bull****. Not that it isn't a wonderful idea in theory. I just don't think "most people" do that. Not in my world anyway, where $20,000 is sometimes more than half of the family's yearly income.

All that to say that just because you can't afford to pay for your adoption in cash up front does not mean that you can't afford to raise and love a child. And it certainly doesn't mean that "God doesn't want you to adopt" because you don't have tens of thousands of dollars of disposable income. You might disagree with me (and many people do, as evidenced by the occasional pepperinig of negative emails and comments I get), but I do not think that adoption is only the responsibility of the rich and well-to-do. Sorry Middle Class, but we don't get off as easy as that! God didn't put the disclaimer in His Word that it is our responsibility to care for orphans "Except ya'll that don't make six figures." And while we're on that subject, let's address the "I don't fundraise when I buy a house or car, why should you fundraise to adopt?" argument.

I think it goes without saying that children are not finance-able. There are no banks offering "30 year-fixed" payment plans for children. Are there adoption loans out there? Yes. But they are actually very hard to get and almost never able to cover the entire cost of the adoption. But even if every couple could get approved for a loan covering the full cost of the adoption, is that what we're doing now? Asking those that open their homes and hearts to children without families to please also take out a loan for it? I can just see it now. "Well Johnny, we can't afford college because we're still paying you off my sweets."

Adoptive couples are not purchasing the next latest and greatest American Gotta Have It. They are trying to bring a child who needs a family home. This is not a luxury that should be financed. It is a Biblical command that should be supported by the church. If a couple is willing to adopt, is willing to open their homes to the orphaned, the homeless, the fatherless, are we really going to tell them to "go get a loan"? Maybe it's just me, but I find that idea appalling.

James 1:27
"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress..." 

Moving right along, I will address the "Fundraising sends your child the wrong message, that they were a charity case." I don't know what every adoptive family plans to tell their children about how they got there, but I plan to tell mine this:

"My love, you were so wanted, so prayed for, so desired, that our entire support system gathered around us to help bring you home. We so desperately wanted you that we worked overtime, held yard sales, raffled prizes, and collected pennies to cover the cost of bringing you home. Everyone helped, everyone donated their time, their money, and their prayers to bring you to us. Jake and Eisley's arrival was covered by insurance, but yours was covered by our family and friends!" ;)

Or something to that effect. My kid won't be stupid. He'll know that adoption is expensive, not that he was an item to be bought. He will ask how we could possibly afford it given the fact that he has to share a room and a car with his brother, and I will tell him. "We couldn't, but God made it happen because that's just how He rolls. And if you want your own car, get a job my love."

But I digress. As for the last argument, "Fundraising tells the world you're buying your child." Well I think that one is just plain ignorant and doesn't really deserve a response. But for the sake of this blog, I will respond. Of course we are not buying this child. The money that is raised for this adoption does not go into the hands of the birth parents. It goes towards court and legal fees, it goes towards the cost of running our adoption agency, it goes towards adoption classes and home study meetings, it goes towards counseling for the birth parents, in some cases it goes towards running the orphanage, traveling expenses, document retrieval, finger printing, and the list goes on and on. Adoption is complicated, time consuming, and expensive. But not because cash is exchanging hands between adoptive couples and birth families. I think this one deserves a "Duh."

Okay. Now that we've got all that out of the way, onto the fun part! I wanted to create a long list of adoption fundraiser ideas that will hopefully grow over time. I will list them in order of "I actually did this and it was or was not successful" and then I will list others that I have heard of or read about on other blogs. Please feel free to comment if you have experience with a fundraiser that is not listed! I would love this to be a great long list for adoptive families to draw from.

- PRAY!!! 
Yup, I'm actually listing this as a fundraiser! I cannot tell you the value of praying over your adoption. God will provide for this if He brought you to it! Consistently praying for provision and creative ideas and opportunities to earn money is effective, in my experience! Ask others to pray with you as well. It certainly can't hurt, right?

-Start a Blog
People LOVE following an exciting journey like adoption. This is the best and most effective way of getting your story and needs out there! People can't support your adoption if they don't know about it. Blogging about your adoption journey from start to finish (does it ever really finish? I have yet to see that!) is a great way to involve others, and document your journey for your loved little ones! I can't wait to show my child the blog when he or she grows up. I fully intend to print it out into a book and let them see how they came to be, and all it took to bring them home. As for fundraising, putting a Paypal "Donate" button right on the blog is a great way to bring in funds. People want to help, they really do! Giving them a way to do that is sometimes all it takes. We got our very first donations for the adoption by simply starting a blog and adding a Donate Tab. Easy as pie, and doesn't cost you a thing.

-Odd Jobs, Extra Hours
This one is kind of a given. Adoptive families always put in a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into their adoption fund. Is it possible for you to pick up extra hours at work? What about odd jobs like cleaning houses or babysitting? I am really blessed to be able to get a few extra hours at work here and there as needed, though this year much of that has gone towards unexpected costs like medical bills and car repair (isn't that always the way it goes?). Josh picked up a coaching job that helped add to the fund, and we even did a few cleaning jobs to help out! Ask around, put the word out you're looking to earn some money, and I guarantee things will pop up.

-Apply for Grants
This one is tricky. There are a lot of great organizations out there that offer financial assistance to adoptive families. The catch is you can't apply until you're homestudy is completed, but there are a lot of adoption fees that are due far before your homestudy is complete. Some organizations require you to be matched with a child before you can apply, some require you to have made "reasonable efforts" to fundraise on your own before applying, some ask that your adoption be well underway but not yet finalized. It depends on the organization and the kind of adoption you are pursuing. You're usually neck deep in the adoption process before you're even eligible to apply for many funds, but, if you can make it that far, it is wonderful to be able to receive assistance from these organizations. Please let me know if you know of an organization not listed below that provides grants to adoptive families so I can add it to the list!

Show Hope: http://www.showhope.org/AdoptionAid/AdoptionGrants.aspx
Gift of Adoption: http://www.giftofadoption.org/
Lifesong for Orphans: http://www.lifesongfororphans.org/adGrantLoans.html
Adoption Grant Information: http://www.adoptiongrants.com/

-Penny or Change Drives
This was our very first adoption fundraiser and we raised over $1000 this way! We posted on our blog and spread the word that we were hosting a Change Drive to help fund our adoption! It is always nerve racking to jump in and start your very first fundraiser, but you gotta start somewhere. We passed out baby bottles with a verse and our blog address to anyone that would take one! We posted on Facebook and had an end date. Friends were generous enough to donate a gift certificate as incentive to whoever collected the most change, and it was a great success!

Our bank was nice enough to let us turn in the change in large Coin Bags so we didn't have to roll it all up or waste 19% at a Coinstar Machine, and as it came in we counted it and added it to the bags. Every few days I'd take a trip to the bank and deposit it! This is a little to no cost way to raise funds, and it was lots of fun too! You can see how our Penny Drive went here.

-Photo Shoot Fundraiser
This was by far my favorite fundraiser and it was a great success!!! Do you know a photographer? Most of us can't swing a dead chicken without hitting a talented friend or family member with a photography business. I happened to have a wonderful cousin who is also an adoptive mommy offer her services and come up with this amazing fundraiser idea!!!

The way it worked was my cousin, Lisa, who also owns her own photography business, offered to do a day of "Mini Sessions" back to back, all day. One mini session included 20 minutes of photos, with all edited images on CD with the Copyright release. We had time slots from 9 a.m. all the way to 5 p.m. and picked a location with lots of different photo opps! Luckily we have a local historic park that is a great place to take a wide variety of photos. Lisa also created a flier to advertise the fundraiser which we passed out, posted to the blog, and sent rampantly over facebook!

Each mini-session cost $65 and Lisa was kind enough to donate all the proceeds to our adoption fund! She put a lot of work into this day as well as editing all those photos, so you will have to find a photographer willing to do that, but if you can, it is a wonderful and fun way to raise funds.

We easily booked the entire day with back to back sessions and raise almost $1000 that day! It was just so much fun and people were eager to jump on board and get their Christmas photos done while also helping a great cause!

-Yard Sale
Oh yes, the dreaded yard sale!!! I am not a fan at ALL of hosting yard sales, but their effectiveness can't be denied! Yard sales are a great way to earn cold hard cash for your adoption fund, costing you nothing but oodles of time and energy. I have seen some awesomely successful adoption benefit yard sales, and you can really get serious with this one if you have the ability to do so! We let people know we'd be accepting donations for our upcoming yard sale and the stuff started rolling in! We filled our entire garage to the BRIM with stuff by the time the yard sale date came around. People gladly donated to us rather than their local thrift store, and we had everything from couches to clothes to snowboards for sale.

I made a lot of really big, really bright signs to hang around the neighborhood, advertised on craigslist, spread the word on facebook, and created a facebook event to get the word out there. We had friends and family help sort, organize, price and run the sale and it went great! We got rid of almost everything in one day, and raised over $1700! You can read about it here.

Something else we did at the sale was exploit our adorable children to host a lemonade and cookie stand. We made them a really cute sign ("Help Us Bring Home Our Baby Brother or Sister!"), grandma made dozens of cookies, we made some lemonade, and we put them to work! Their cute faces together with sweet treats was an unstoppable combination. Those little ones raised hundreds of dollars on their own that day! Made mama so proud. ;)

I've seen adoption benefit yard sales go a step further and host two weekends in a row. We ran out of stuff mostly, but time and space were an issue as well. My not-so-expert yard sale tips are as follows:

-Advertise! Get the word out that you are taking donations, and drill the date into everyone's heads via facebook, blog, text, whatever! And definitely list your sale on craigslist the week before and every day leading up to it. People check those before going out yard saling and will want to come see yours!
-Make sure you advertise it as an "Adoption Benefit" yard sale. Some people will stop by and donate cash just because they believe in the cause!
-Organize! People like to browse your yard sale like they would a store. Group like objects together, and make it look "neat".
-Price simple, price low. People come to yard sales to get a bargain. Let them. Round prices off to the nearest 25 cents, you don't want to mess with change all day, trust me.
-Don't expect people not to haggle just because it's "for a good cause". People will try to talk you down all day, so just anticipate it so as not to get your feelings hurt. ;)
-BRIGHT SIGNS bring people in!!! Put them everywhere and make them EYE CATCHING. And don't forget to be a good citizen and take them down afterwards.
-Host a bake sale or lemonade stand in conjunction with your yard sale! Nothing makes people hungrier than shopping! You could bake, make lemonade, whatever! Depending on the weather even coffee and hot chocolate would be great ideas!
-Sell the bigger items on Craigslist, if you have the time and patience. Typically you can get more for that donated treadmill on craigslist than you can at a yard sale, but it really depends on the time you are able to put in.

-Host an Online Raffle
This was also a really fun one that we did that raised a LOT of money! You can do this a number of ways, but we decided to create themed baskets that we would raffle off on a set date. Before the raffle we had been asking for donations and got lots of responses! People donated their business (photography session, personal training, handyman) as well as things like handmade items and time at their cabin! We also had a large cash donation that we used to buy little items and gift cards to make the baskets extra special!

The way it worked was people could purchase entries for $5 a piece, and enter their tickets into whichever baskets they wanted to! You can see exactly how this worked by clicking here, but basically people would purchase tickets and tell me where they wanted their entries to go. Example: "I want ten tickets! Put five in the Date Night Basket and five in the Cabin Getaway!" I had a very nice little spreadsheet where I kept track of entries and later put each person's name on their tickets and placed them into separate baskets to draw from. Some people had one entry, some bought multiple entries and spread them out!

We then picked one ticket from each basket and the winners were chosen! It was a lot of fun and people really got into it! It was also by far our most successful fundraiser, bringing in over $2,000. I highly recommend this one!

-Restaurant Fundraiser
This one we did in conjunction with our Raffle, as we had been told it wasn't worth it to do by itself. Basically this fundraiser is when you find a local restaurant that will give you a date and time, and whoever comes in on that day and either mentions your adoption or gives their server a flier will automatically donate a portion of their proceeds to your fundraiser.

I know of quite a few restaurants that do this, but we picked our favorite because it was oh so yummy and they donated the largest percentage of money (20% of the bill). They were also kind enough to give us the entire day, open to close, as well as print out 500 color fliers to pass out. You can click here to see how ours went!

If you do this, go into it knowing it will take a LOT of people eating a LOT of food to earn a significant amount of money. We had over 150 people show up to eat that day and we brought home about $350. Many places offer a much smaller percentage for fundraisers so be mindful of this when choosing a restaurant!

The best thing we did for this fundraiser was to spread the word. I emailed that flier to everyone I knew, posted it on facebook, and asked ALL my friends to do the same. Facebook is a wonderful tool when raising money for adoptions, use it!

-Just Love Coffee
This is a company that offers $5 for each bag of coffee purchased from your online "storefront". It is free to set up and you don't have to do anything but wait for the checks to roll in. Unfortunately we haven't had great success with this fundraiser, but maybe that's because my circle aren't big coffee lovers??? Who knows. It is still an amazing company doing wonderful things for adoptive families. Click here to set up your store front!

Okay, those are all the things our family has done so far. We are now venturing into "uncharted waters" so to speak, but I wanted to list a few other ideas that I have seen other adoptive families do with success. Maybe you can too!

-Sell T-Shirts
Many places offer to make custom T-Shirts for you. I have seen some really cute ones to raise money for adoptions! You can put any number of things on your shirts, from the country you're adopting from to a Bible Verse to a uniquely yours icon or image. Get creative and start taking orders! Here is a company that I know of that does them, but there are lots out there!

-Sell Handmade Items
Set up an Etsy account and get to work! If you're crafty, start crafting and selling and use that money for your adoption fund!

-Fundraising Event
This can take a number of forms, and I have seen LOTS of great ideas out there! Sell tickets to your event and advertise away! You need a place, a date, and a theme, and lots of energy and help! Some ideas are a Poker Night, Spaghetti Dinner, Valentines Dinner, Concert, BBQ, the list goes on! This would be a great opportunity to host a Raffle as well!

-Puzzle Piece Fundraiser
This is a really cute one! Buy a puzzle that would go nicely in your future child's nursery. You then "sell" the puzzle pieces for a set amount like $5 a piece. When someone buys a piece, you add their name to the back of it and put it with the puzzle. When all the pieces are sold, you have a beautiful framed piece of art for your child's room that has the names of hundreds of people who helped bring him home!

-Car Wash
This one is pretty self explanatory! Host a car wash and make some cash for your adoption fund!

-Independent Sales
There are LOTS of companies out there that offer to host fundraising parties for you. Pampered Chef, Tastefully Simple, etc. usually offer about 15% of money spent at your party towards the fundraiser. It isn't much, but it's something!

-Support Letters
We never did this because we spread the word via Blog, but if that ain't your style, support letters are a great way to get the word out and ask for help.


Okay! I'm sure as time goes on and suggestions come in this list will grow! But for now, I hope it offers you some ideas to fundraise for your own adoption! Don't lose heart. I know how overwhelming the cost can seem, and how truly impossible it looks in the beginning. I am copying these verses from an adoption blog I follow and hope they are encouraging to you as well. She also posts about fundraising so go check it out HERE.

"God will generously provide all you need." 2 Corinthians 9:8
"This same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus." Phillipians 4:19
"He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?" Romans 8:32. 

Again, if you have anything you think I should add to this list please let me know! Thank you so much to our "village" for helping bring our child home!

Why?

Let me start out by saying that 99% of people that hear about our adoption journey are completely supportive, wonderful, and kind. Most people are nothing but encouraging. But...there's that darned 1%. The small percentage of people that just "don't get it". The people that have opinions and aren't afraid to voice them, no matter how ignorant they are or how very little they actually know about the topic.

When you become open about a decision such as adoption, lots of things happen. You open yourself up to people on a personal level, mostly because you need the support. You tell your story in hopes that others will gather around you and encourage you, pray for you, support you. And as a whole, this is exactly what happens. But you also open yourself up to criticism. It's the one downside to being open about a journey like this one. The positives far outweigh the negatives, in my opinion. Where would we be if Josh and I had stayed completely tight lipped about our adoption decision? We wouldn't have the prayer support, we wouldn't have the emotional support, we wouldn't have the financial support that we so desperately need to continue with this adoption. It is completely worth it, to us, to be open about our story. It has connected us with people we otherwise would never have met. It has opened doors that would otherwise have remained shut. It has allowed people to see God work step by step, "making the rough places smooth" as it says in Isaiah. And that, after all, is our goal. To show how awesome our God is!

When I first started this blog, I told my readers they were lucky, because they were getting to see the journey from the very beginning! And I think I was absolutely right! It has been simply amazing to watch the Lord work throughout these months. He has provided continuously, faithfully. He has taught us so much. He has used our story to reach others, to soften hearts and open eyes to the idea of adoption. And we aren't even done yet, we've really only just begun!

But throughout the months, I have had a few comments that I tilt my head at. Usually I'm unable to respond immediately either because it is a comment left on my blog by a conveniently "anonymous" person, or because I'm too stunned or tongue tied to answer intelligently.

So I wanted to take a few moments and explain ourselves a bit. Maybe, then, by writing it all down, I will be able to draw from it when one of those rare comments surfaces. Maybe there are others out there who also get comments such as these and you can tell me how you answer them. Maybe I just want the opportunity to defend our decision, even though I have absolutely no obligation to do so.

I believe the most common head tilting comment is something to the effect of, "Well, don't worry, as soon as you adopt a baby you'll finally get pregnant! Happens all the time!"

Well...no, not really. First of all, I know what makes a baby, and it isn't filling out piles of paperwork and taking weeks of adoption classes. Josh and I are pros at baby making, thank you very much, and we did not pursue adoption because we just couldn't get pregnant, hoping that once the adoption is finalized, we'll "finally" get the baby we always wanted through a pregnancy.

The reality is, many people pursue adoption because having a biological child is not an option, for one reason or another. They might have fertility issues, in which case, no, adopting is actually not going to miraculously cure them, so a comment such as this is hurtful and highly unhelpful. They might have made a decision to adopt instead of having biological children, in which case a comment such as this is not necessarily hurtful, only ignorant. They may have no fertility issues whatsoever and have just felt led to adoption! They may, like us, have absolutely no problem getting pregnant. It's staying pregnant that is the problem. Yes, I may very well get pregnant the instant the adoption is final. But for us, that means nothing. Until I have a healthy baby in my arms, getting pregnant is nothing to smile about.

So, to be clear, we are not adopting in hopes that it will cast a magic spell on my uterus and I will finally be able to carry a baby to term. We are adopting because that's where God led us, and we couldn't be happier about it! If He chooses to someday bless us with another biological child, wonderful. But it won't be "because we adopted." And we are just, if not more, excited about our adoption as we ever were about any of our pregnancies! No need to offer a potential pregnancy as an incentive to adopt. The adoption is the prize!

I think the comment or question that bothers me the most is, "Why don't you just adopt an orphan from ------ (insert third world country or adoption organization here)? There are so many children there that need families."

Ohh. If only it were that easy. You mean to tell me that I could have just "gotten a baby" from there? Well, why didn't you say so?! I had no idea it was so easy! I had no idea that raising tens of thousands of dollars, taking off weeks from work to travel, leaving my children for perhaps months at a time, committing to an older or possibly special needs child for life, and waiting at least two years to be considered by said country or organization would be so easy! Why on earth didn't I think of that?! And P.S., thanks for your veiled comment on my selfishness for not adopting the special needs, older, or tragically orphaned child that you saw on some website or T.V. commercial.

That's what I want to say. But I don't. But if you have ever asked this, it's what I was really thinking. ;) Adoption is a HUGE, life changing, monumental decision that is absolutely, positively, never entered into lightly. And that is only the decision to adopt. Once that choice is made, there is decision after decision after decision that must be made at each stage of the game. Well, we've decided to adopt...now what? There is international, domestic, open, closed, fost-to-adopt. There is special needs adoption, adoption of an older child or sibling group, trans-racial adoption. There are about a million different agencies and a million different babies and children that need homes. How...how do you choose? I can't answer that for everyone. I can only answer it for us...we prayed.

We prayed and we researched. We asked around. We read blogs. We talked to people who had adopted. We asked questions. And we made decisions. We made them because we had to, and we went with our gut. That's really all I can say about it. Josh and I looked at our family and asked ourselves, "What do we feel like our family can commit to?" Our children are still young. Not so young though, that we can't ask them what they want. This adoption affects them just as much as it does us. So we did ask them. We took their desires and their hearts into consideration when making our decision. We took our own hearts and abilities and jobs and commitments into consideration. We prayed for God to give us a peace about where He was leading us.

And because I want to, I will share why we made the decision we did. I'm sure there will be at least one person who disagrees with us. Who thinks we should have chosen differently, who thinks we are selfish or ignorant or scared. That's fine. I'm still confident in our decision because we made each one prayerfully. And there is no better place to be than in God's will. There is no safer place, there is no place I'd rather be.

Josh and I looked into foster care. We attended a class and information session on the topic and became familiar with the process. We both felt, strongly, that it simply wasn't the path God was leading us down. Our children have faced quite enough loss for their little lives, and we could not in good conscience bring a child into our home that had a very high likelihood of being returned to his or her birth family after months, years even. Foster care is something we may consider when our children are older, but right now, we feel they need the stability of a permanent adoption, where they are free to bond and love the child as their own sibling without fear of that child being reunited with their birth family (which, we learned, is often the goal for children in foster care). And to be frank, I need that stability as well.

We looked very closely at international adoption. Each country has it's own requirements for adoptive couples. Josh and I are not yet 30, which actually eliminates quite a few countries and programs from our list of choices. Some countries, incidentally, actually have many other requirements, even taking into account your weight and BMI and other health issues. I have a chronic health issue that is perfectly under control but could very well put an international adoption in jeopardy very far into the process.

We also had to consider the fact that most, if not all, countries require you to travel, usually in two trips, to the country for court dates and to pick up the child. Josh is a teacher and he has zero flexibility when it comes to time off. His particular situation would simply not allow for this. That, and the fact that I could not picture leaving my children for weeks and possibly months at a time while they are so young made international adoption really questionable to us. To us, at this point in our lives, today. For other people, it is right. It fits, it works, they have a peace about it and a desire to move forward. As much as we would love to adopt internationally (and we would!), we just didn't have a peace about it, and there's not much else I can say on the topic.

One evening, early in the decision making process, Josh and I sat the kids down and talked with them. We asked them a lot of questions. We explained how adoption worked. We wanted to know their little hearts and get a feel for what they wanted. Both children were adamant that we adopt. They very badly wanted a little brother or sister "that wouldn't die". They knew we had tried again and again to give them a sibling, but each of those babies had gone to heaven. They told us it was time to adopt.

One of the other things that both children clearly expressed to us was that they wanted a baby. "A baby baby, one that still needs a bottle." In five year old language, they wanted an infant, not an older child or even a toddler. To be completely honest, so did we. My heart longs for a baby. My heart desires to once again rock a small infant to sleep, to be there from the beginning. In Jake's words, "I want to watch a human develop from the very beginning stages." ;) Is this selfish when there are so many older children out there who need homes? I have asked myself that question a lot. And the answer I've come up with is, it is no more selfish than getting pregnant.

Why do you get pregnant when you can adopt? Usually, it is for selfish reasons. You want to experience a pregnancy, you want a child with your own genetic makeup mixed with your soul mate's own genetic makeup. You want a baby. You want your baby. And no one faults you for it. I've never heard someone announce a pregnancy and then be told, "Why, that's a strange decision. Don't you think pregnancy is awfully selfish when there are millions of orphans out there that need families?"

Is that particular criticism true? Technically, yes, it is. But no one says that or rarely thinks it! Yet our decision to pursue domestic infant adoption is on some people's radar as "selfish". They've seen the sad faces of orphans in Ethiopia, and to them, it doesn't make sense that we'd choose an infant here in the states that has a dozen other couples in line for him. But the silly thing is, I have friends who are adopting internationally who get the same comments in reverse! "Why would you go all the way to so-and-so when we have so many children right here in America that need homes?" We actually were told that in our foster care information session by the instructor, so I have learned that it simply isn't possible to please everyone. No matter what decision you make, someone will disagree with it.

My children have very little say in most things. They had no say in whether they got a brother or a sister, and they had no say when their sister died and they never got to hold her. This, this I can give them a say in. And we did, because it meant something to us to have our children as part of this huge decision. If it is extremely important to them that we adopt an infant, and that is one of our many choices, yes, we'll try to give them that.

So, we narrowed it down to an infant adoption. We narrowed it down to a domestic adoption. We now needed an agency, a program. Our number one priority was that the agency be a Christian one, and that they take really, really good care of their birth mothers. After a lot of research and talking to many people who had also adopted domestically, we found Christian Family Care Agency. We fell in love with it. We loved their hearts for adoption, foster care, and birth families. We loved how Biblically sound they were. We loved their statement of faith, we loved that they did their best to work with your financial situation, we just fell in love with it. We decided to get an information packet and talked to people who had adopted through their infant adoption program. And we prayed.

Our prayers were always that God light the next step, just the next step. That's all we needed. Just tell us what's next, Lord. And He always did. He would always give us just the next step in the process, one thing at a time. We prayed He'd give us peace throughout the process if we were headed down the right path. We prayed that if this wasn't the path, He'd close the door firmly. But door after door He opened. He just kept opening them, and we kept walking. And soon we found ourselves knee deep in the adoption process!

We started fundraising. We started fundraising early, like, really early. That was a scary, intimidating, and daunting decision. What if we raised money and the adoption fell through? What if we try but no money comes in? How would we pay for it? What if, what if, what if. But...we decided God had led us there, and He'd work out the details. The reality was we were pursuing adoption with our full might, and we were going to need money to do it, period. So we jumped in and decided to just trust the Lord. And He provided.

And now, here we are. We are waiting for God to bring us the baby He had planned for us all along! The baby He had planned for us before we had Jake and Eisley, before our first miscarriage, before Lily, before our last miscarriage. He knew, all along, that this baby was to be part of our family. And He knew what it would take to bring us together. And for other people to say to me, "Why don't you just..." it just puts a lot of power in my hands that I simply don't have! I didn't make things happen this way. I was very open to the Lord's leading. God led us here, slowly, step by step. He closed doors and opened others.

I am confident of this because I have tried walking another path and been quickly turned back to this one! Josh and I very seriously considered a sweet little guy with special health needs living in Russia from Reece's Rainbow. We prayed really hard about him and told the Lord, "We are willing! Just give us the go ahead!" We started pursuing it even, waiting for God to make the path smooth if that was where He wanted us. But early on, God shut that door firmly. Another family stepped forward. Josh didn't feel total peace about continuing, and that was that. God can shut the door. Our job is to pay attention.

We have struggled with knowing "what God's will is". The truth is, sometimes we don't know! We make decisions based on the information we have. Aside from asking ourselves whether or not this is Biblical (okay, adoption is Biblical, but how do I know if it's God's will!?), we don't have a whole lot to go on. So we listen. We pay attention. We stay in Scripture and surround ourselves with other Christians making wise decisions with their lives. We keep praying for guidance, wisdom, direction. All we can do is take a step. Then another step. One at a time.

I am not going to challenge God when He's asked me to do something. When other people question it, I will direct their questions to my supervisor, as it were. ;) Just like at work, I say, "Well, I don't make the rules! I only do what I'm told." If you have an issue with our decision, talk to God. He's the one who led us here. Not many people feel comfortable challenging God. You, they get all brave and questiony with, but bring God into it and suddenly they're so quiet... ;)

Josh and I had a desire to add to our family. We had a desire to adopt a little one. God has awesomely and graciously blessed us with the ability to do that! To the point that we now feel we would be stepping out of His will if we turned around and changed our minds. We are only being obedient. I don't know why God didn't lead us to this country or that country. I don't know why He clearly presented us with this particular agency and program. I don't know why He led us here, when there are a million orphans elsewhere that need families. All I know is that this is where He wants us to be. And who am I to question that? If He wants to shut the door to this, He is perfectly capable of that!

I posted this verse on our blog at the very beginning of our journey, and it has amazed me (though it really shouldn't) that God had done exactly this for us throughout this entire process.

Isaiah 42:16
"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them."

He has promised to stay with us, right by our side, when we are called to things that are unfamiliar (and for me and most people, unfamiliar = scary!). He has promised to light the way, to guide us, to smooth out the path He wants us to take. But most importantly, He will not forsake us. He will not lead us somewhere difficult or scary and then say, "Peace out homies! You're on your own from here!" He will be there. That is comforting to me, especially because it isn't the path to adoption that is the most scary to me, it is the result. I have no idea what we have gotten ourselves into. I don't know the child He will bring to us or his or her specific needs. I don't know how it will change our family, the challenges this child will bring. I don't know anything! All I know is that God will be there, too.

One little comment from a total stranger that, to me, seemed downright accusatory, led me to write this entry. Maybe I was being sensitive. I'm pretty sure I wasn't. But I know for a fact I'm not the only one that gets challenged with comments and questions like that one, so hopefully this will serve as an encouragement to others on a similar path. Unable to specify exactly why God led them down this particular road, only that He did. Someday we will know why! But today, all I can do is obey.

And, of course, wait. ;)

Waiting

I hate wating. Like, I hate it. I know most people don't enjoy it, but I think I have a waiting disorder. I do not like waiting in line, I find it nearly impossible to wait to open gifts until Christmas morning, I get positively jittery in traffic, and waiting rooms? Forget it. I mean, an entire room devoted to waiting? Are you kidding me???





And here we are, waiting for a phone call that could come at any time with the most exciting news we've ever gotten! (Maybe coming a close second to finding out our one baby was actually two babies...that was pretty exciting!) I think the reason this particular wait and others like it are so difficult is because I have no idea how long I will be waiting. I can handle the wait if I at least have the ability to cross off days on my calendar and fill the set amount of time with activities meanwhile counting down to the event. If there is anything worse than waiting, it is waiting indefinitely. There is no end in sight, there is no hint as to when your wait will end, and P.S., the thing you are waiting for could come in multiple forms, so not only are we waiting, we aren't entirely sure what we are waiting for. Is our baby a boy? A girl? Is our baby healthy? What will he or she look like? What will the birth family situation be? Will we get a call that the baby is ready to go home, or that a birth mother wants to meet with us? SO many unknowns. So hard to wait.

Josh is having an easier go of things. He is probably the most laid back person I know, and that kind of personality is naturally good at waiting. He does not stress, he does not worry, he just waits. "There's nothing we can do but wait." is what he says to me, which to him is comforting, but to me, that sounds more like, "You are powerless and have zero control over your circumstances." which is actually not comforting to personalities like mine, but thanks anyways hon. ;)

But he is completely right, and there really is nothing we can do! Well, there are a few things I guess! We can and have been praying like crazy. We are praying that even though we have it in our head when the "perfect" time would be to get that call, that God would orchestrate things in His perfect timing. That we will look back and say, "Wow, God, you really knew what you were doing!" We're praying for our birth mom, we're praying for our baby, and we're praying for our finances.

I've also been reading a lot (what's new?) about adoption issues and trying to prepare myself at least a little bit! And last but not least we are working on what we are hoping will be the last fundraiser for this adoption! We have about $2800 left to raise before we reach our goal, and we're so thankful for how far we've come in such a short time! But the reality is we could get a call any time and that money will need to be there when we do, so we're going to get the ball rolling on our last fundraiser very soon!

We enjoyed a nice long two weeks of Spring break and I really enjoyed having Josh home every day! Made me really look forward to summer vacation! We're back into the swing of things now and hopefully I will find some more time to blog. :) I realized it has been a couple of weeks since my last entry and I just wanted to pop in and say we are still waiting! I try to remind myself that this waiting could go on for months, more than a year, a long time. But every time the phone rings or I find I have a new voice message, my heart stops and I think, "I cannot take a whole year of this God!"

But I have definitely been through worse, and I am sure with practice I will get better at this waiting thing. Either that or I will be entirely gray by the time this baby arrives. ;)

Thanks so much for continuing to support us, and praying for us while we continue to wait!!!