Hello world, it's me Josh (the real writer in this family). Karen's been encouraging me to write something on the blog so here goes nothing.
A few months ago I saw a video on the world wide web that really opened my eyes and changed my outlook on stuff. Usually when I see videos or hear someone speaking in church or something I think 'that's cool' and I move on. But this video really hit home with me. The guy talking in this video is the singer in one of my favorite bands Mewithoutyou. If you don't watch this video the rest of the stuff I say pretty much won't make sense so, you can click on the link below and enjoy. You're welcome.
The thing that really stuck out to me is the whole "who knows what's good and what's bad" idea. As many of you know we have been through some pretty crappy things lately. Or at least things that seem crappy to many of us. The most difficult thing that I have ever been through was the loss of Lily. Karen's talked in great detail about that situation so I won't get too into that. While we were in the middle of it I couldn't help but think "this sucks", and I'm sure I probably told Karen that on a few occasions. People kept reminding us that God is in control and that He has a plan and that God works out everything for good. Honestly, I got pretty tired of hearing this. I kept thinking there is no way that this can be 'good'.
I had a lot of time to think while we were in the hospital. One thing that I thought about is that this could really be sort of a turning point for my life. I figured I had two options. One option was that I could continue being mad at God and always be bitter about losing Lily. The other option was that I could start believing what everyone was saying about God has a plan and that He is the only true 'good' thing that we have. I chose option number two. Pretty much instantly everything changed for me. My outlook on the whole thing was different. I trusted God and knew that he had a purpose for everything, even though I will probably not ever fully understand it. But I was ok with that and I was suddenly at peace. Shorty after, Lily was born and we got to spend two of the most memorable hours of my life with her. I have never felt God's presence in such a way. Karen and I promised to each other that we would do our part to make something 'good' come from the loss of our precious Lily. We have already seen a lot of 'good' things come from that 'bad' situation.
Ok back to the video. Like I said, the 'horse story' video really hit home with me and it really changed the way I think about things. I have really just come to realize that I have no idea what's 'good' and what's 'bad'. I have really just learned to not get caught up in the daily ups and downs but rather step back and look at the big picture. The big picture for me right now is quite simple. Here's where I am at. God brings things into our lives and it's up to us how we are going to deal with it. We can either get mad at God and question him and as a result drag people down with us. Or you can know that God is in control of the situation and use it as an opportunity to glorify Him in it and as a result lift people up with you. The latter sounds like the better option to me. I feel lucky that God has chosen me to go through each 'bad' thing. And I try and use that situation to glorify Him.
Lately everyone keeps asking me how I'm doing with everything that's been going on with the adoption. It feels weird to say it, but I'm totally at peace about it and am very content with the situation. I realize that the situation seems very 'bad' but I've just stepped back and am looking at the big picture. I don't really know the answer to the question "what's good and what's bad". The only thing that I do know is that I'm going to use whatever so called 'good' or 'bad' thing that comes my way to try and point to God's true goodness and be thankful that he has put me in that situation.
As I type this, the birthmom is in labor and the outlook for the baby still is not good. And here we sit, trusting God that he is in control and that He has a plan.
Please pray for the birthmom. Pray that she has strength to get through this. Pray that her life can have a positive impact from this.
Pray for the baby. We still have no idea what to expect, but have been told that it doesn't look good. Obviously a miracle would be great, but we realize it may not be what God has planned.
Pray for Jake and Eisley.
Pray that God will continue walking us through this 'bad' situation.