Choices choices...

I'm a researcher. I love looking into every detail of every thing and finding out all I possibly can about something or someone. This is probably why I love facebook and am unhealthally (I don't think that's a word but it fits) addicted to Pinterest. A site devoted to looking up awesome stuff and saving it for future reference? Sign me up! Google is my best friend. When an issue comes up...I google it!

Google has answers for everything. Best BBQ place within five miles? GOOGLE! How many weight watchers points are in a Buffalo Chicken Salad from Chili's? GOOGLE! Jake has an odd pain in his left leg? Forget that my sister is a pediatrician, GOOGLE!

The awesome thing about Google is you get a million different answers in less than three seconds. You have instant direction, no waiting involved.

The bad thing about Google (if you're really looking for something...) is that it can be seriously overwhelming and when out of control, can take the place of prayer. Go with me for a minute.

Maybe I'm the only one, but when a big situation comes up (as in...I don't know...adoption) I tend to go straight to the internet. Give me all the information I can get so I can make an informed decision. To a point, I think this is smart. To a point. But there comes a time when you need to put the mouse down and pray.

Case in point: Josh and I are trying to make some serious decisions here. So we've decided to adopt, now what? There are a million types of adoption and a million different adoption agencies and all kinds of children from all parts of the world with all different backgrounds. How in the world are we supposed to know what the next step is?

So I did what I always do, I researched. Josh and I researched fost/adopt. We attended an orientation as I mentioned earlier and just did not feel comfortable with that situation. One option down, eight bazillion to go.

I started with researching international adoptions. I learned that different countries have different restrictions. So I researched the countries themselves. China was first on my list, as my cousin has adopted two from there and she was very happy with the process and her particular agency.

Turns out China requires parents to be at least 30 years old to apply, among other things (I feel it is my duty to let you know that China requires adoptive couples to have a BMI of under 40. Just a little interesting factoid.)

So since Josh and I are only 28, that ruled out about 3 million children and a few dozen adoption agencies.

Onto other countries. I eliminated them one by one based on required travel time (some countries require two visits of at least 2 weeks each, not a viable option when you have two children at home), cost of travel and stay, requirements by specific countries, etc.

The one country that stuck out to me was Korea South. They only require their couples be 25 years old, and the weight restriction is that you must not be over 30% above "average" weight. Phew. Just squeeked by! ;) The other cool thing was that unlike most other countries, Korea does not require you to travel to their country to pick up your child, they could be escorted to the States. I do think it would be really important for me to go visit the country our child is born in and see the sights and take pictures and spend some time there, but Korea does not require that both parents go, therefore at least one of us could stay with J* and E*. (And I have a sister who I know would travel with me!)

So if we chose international adoption, I believe I had narrowed it down to one country based on a variety of factors. But that was only if we chose international adoption. How would we know if that was where God was leading us? And even if He was, how do you then pick an agency? How do you pick a social worker to do your homestudy? Google was not helping me now.

So I researched private adoption. Agency adoption. Open adoption. Closed adoption. DES Adoption. Fost/Adopt. Like I said, the options are endless.

I threw down my phone with frustration and just closed my eyes. I told the Lord, "I have no idea what I'm doing. I cannot be trusted with such a big decision!"

I talked to Josh and tried to explain to him the ridiculous variety of choices we had and how very overwhelming it was. Josh, being Josh, did not seem the least bit shaken and very casually said something very casual that I don't even remember because it was of no particular help to me.

So I had a minor meltdown. I vented to Josh about how huge a decision this was and how I needed him to be completely on board yada yada yada. Basically, the minor meltdown ended with me realizing that maybe Josh wasn't overwhelmed because he wasn't overwhelming himself with information. So I decided to take a step back, put the mouse down, and just breathe.

I realized I had been spending more time googling than praying, and that is not a balance I want out of whack. I want to feel confident in the direction we are going because I know I am on the same page as the Lord and talking to Him on a regular basis.

I have done my homework. I know the options that are out there. I've inquired with different agencies. We feel like the next step is to just wait, and pray that God will open a door or light the next step.

Our goal is to bring a child into our lives and love them and give them a family and a home and a chance, to raise them up to love the Lord and to make sure they never for one day feel alone or unsupported or unloved. We want to work with an agency who is Christ-centered and has a mission statement we believe in, who takes care of their children and/or birth families, and who will support us and help us through this very daunting process.

So that is what we are praying for, and we will just have to be patient and see what doors God opens.

If you are praying for us, please pray specifically that God will show us the next step and we will feel total peace about taking it.

Until then, I am taking a bit of a Google break. ;)

Thank you again for your prayers and loving support! We are so thankful for them!

Givin' it to God!!!